Soetoro-Ng’s bittersweet e-mail
By Laurie Au
The full e-mail from Maya Soetoro-Ng, President-elect Barack Obama’s half-sister, to supporters and friends after the death of her 86-year-old grandmother, Madelyn Dunham, and the historic election of her brother two days later.
From: Maya Soetoro-Ng
Sent: Thu 11/6/2008 7:56 AM
Subject: love!
Hello dear friends,
Please forgive the mass e-mail. As you might imagine, I’ve been flooded with hundreds of beautiful and expressive messages via e-mail, phone and letter–messages of both congratulation and condolence. If I answered each individually and with the care each deserves, well…I would do little else with my day. So I am not responding to even my nearest and dearest. What I am doing instead is turning off my phone, sighing, and trying to figure out the new shape of coming days, since caring for Tutu has been a central part of every single day here for eight years. I’m slowly going through our grandmother’s belongings, cleaning out her house, and wrapping up her affairs. I’m unearthing memories and spirit in abundance. A couple of you have asked me to describe my feelings today. No easy feat. There’s a wide swath of emotion cutting through me, sometimes swirling, never simple.a briny mixture of elation, sadness, determination, regret, pride, hope, fatigue. You can imagine.
I am grateful that I had this time with Tutu. My admiration for her grew ever stronger as I witnessed her strength in recent weeks. I never saw self-pity or fear. She was clear about wanting to stay at home, protective of us, dignified and determined to be herself to the very end. She was often funny too. When she saw the number of flowers that had been sent to her, she said “Oh my…with all of this hullabaloo, it’s going to be embarrassing if I DON’T die.” I gave her a chuckle and of course told her that I wouldn’t at all mind such an embarrassment, and then I invited her to stay and dance with me into the new year. She couldn’t stay, but she certainly tried, and defied expectations again and again.
And then there’s the election; I am so grateful that this country has made the right choice, and the relief I feel has everything to do with the profound faith I have in Barack’s leadership and vision for this country. I wept tears of joy for all of us on Tuesday. He may not be a perfect man. Certainly, he has often said that he’ll likely be an imperfect president, but he is a good man, a smart man, a disciplined soul who balances temperance with determination and courage. We’ve made a great choice, I assure you.
I contemplated accepting B’s offer to bring us over to Chicago for election night, but I was too tired to grieve in front of millions and opted instead to watch the electoral votes accumulate in the apt where Barack spent his high school years with our grandparents. Our Tutu’s koa urn was delivered on election day, and around it we placed pictures of her daughter, grandchildren, and great grandchildren, all of us who benefited so much from her steady voice and hand. Of course, part of me wanted to go out, thank and celebrate with the many, many local folks who supported and contributed so much to this campaign, but the other part of me needed to go underground for a bit. I’m grateful that Andy and others were able to share my words and extend my aloha. I was delighted to see victories for many of the local politicians we supported like Chris, Dwight, Carol, and Gary. There were so many people who amazed me with their industry: Andy, Brian, Chuck, Ria, Neil, Emme, Georgia and so many more. I certainly hope to see all of you soon, though I am going to stay in my newly scooped hole for a little while longer. In addition to wrapping my tutu’s life, I need to prepare to teach my pumpkins, as I resume work next week. My students deserve my full attention after getting me in splintered form for too long. Konrad and I are accepting dear friends’ generous offer to let us stay at their N. Shore beach house for the weekend, and I am going read through dozens of potentially useful new resources to use with the kids, while I look up at the too-seldom seen canopy of stars, and snuggle with my husband and daughter.
Until soon, please know that I am deeply grateful to have all of you in my life.
Sending you smooches,
Maya
